Sometimes I think that my husband is trying to kill me.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m going to end up on Forensic Files anytime soon. He is not wise enough to conduct a successful murder nor does he have the follow through to actually accomplish the task. Plus, I don’t know who would take care of him if I disappeared. The fact is, the man can barely take care of himself. This is why I am worried that we are on the cusp of an accidental fatal accident at all points. Recently, he has been most concerned with lounging on the couch and watching the news. Meanwhile, he insists that he is freezing cold inside the house. He doesn’t seem to understand that we can’t run the central heating system all the time to compensate for his lack of movement. In fact, we need to cut down on our energy expenditure if we want to use the heating system throughout the winter. This is why I went out and purchased him a small space heater. I figured he could put the portable heating device in front of his couch and keep himself warm as he basked in the warm glow of the space heater. Little did I know, he would become obsessed with this portable space heater. He uses it all the time, whether it’s particularly cold outside or not. This would be fine… Except he also has the unfortunate habit of nodding off in the middle of the news. I keep finding my husband asleep with the space heater dangerously close to his blankets. I fear that we’re going to start a fire in the house any day, simply because my husband is such a lazy dolt.